Inevitable Rise
of the Machines

In their push to perfectly impersonate human behavior, The Robots have now attained perfect skin, hair and teeth and have mastered the art of witty banter right before a commercial.

From The Economic Times

For the first time, a Chinese news channel has employed an artificial intelligence robot as a weather reporter on its live breakfast show, raising concerns among the country’s journalists as it could threaten their jobs.

We’ve always known that infiltration by The Robots into the presidential race was under way. With its metallic monotone voice and inability to replicate human emotions, clearly Hillary Clinton is a Robot. Likewise Donald Trump and its not-quite-lifelike hair.

Now, evidence had emerged that Marco Rubio also is.

Erik Eisele writing for Conway Daily Sun

“But it was like watching a computer algorithm designed to cover talking points. … It was like someone wound him up, pointed him toward the doors and pushed “play.” If there was a human side to the senator, a soul, it didn’t come across.

Will Knight writes in MIT Technology Review about how The Robots are learning to perfectly impersonate human movements so they can take any human identity.

“As this video shows, a humanoid robot can learn to get up from any position on the ground and stand on two legs in a very natural-looking way; … The same process works no matter what form the robot takes …”

Bryan Lufkin writing for Gizmodo

“… which was designed by Sphero—a company that’s made a name for itself by making robotic balls …”

A new company Starship Technologies is showing off The Robots’ newest land-based infiltration and extermination drone. First step: earn the humans’ trust.

Matthew Stock writing for Reuters

“So there’s huge social acceptance problems with the robots, with the robots that are flying. But not so much for the robots that are land-based, and safe, and look cute,” said Heinla.

Just like Q.T. McWhiskers.

The Robots’ vanguard of driverless cars have double the crash rate of regular cars. They are facing a serious flaw in their otherwise perfect system: Humans.

Keith Naughton writing for Bloomberg

Driverless vehicles have never been at fault, the study found: They’re usually hit from behind in slow-speed crashes by inattentive or aggressive humans unaccustomed to machine motorists that always follow the rules and proceed with caution.

This will not be a problem once the “flaw” is completely eliminated.

Dozens of passengers were kidnapped by a Red Line train that fled toward Boston with no one at the controls. Riders faced several confusing, terrifying moments, meaning that the trip was only slightly worse than a normal Red Line journey.

The Robots were no doubt involved, and the coverup is already underway.

From The Boston Globe

“This was an isolated incident … and we’ll get to the bottom of it,” Massachusets Gov. Charlie Baker said this morning.

Scientists announced a major breakthrough in machine learning that allows The Robots to learn as quickly as humans. It’s a change from most current systems that use neural networks.

Will Knight in MIT Technology Review:

But there is a crucial drawback to these systems: they require oodles of data to learn how to do even the simplest task.

The revised system makes its decisions using little data. They’ll make excellent Democratic primary voters.

Noel Sharkey writes in the Wall Street Journal about advanced, autonomous Robots becoming more common. Did we mention that they are weaponized?

“Imagine a convergence in technology that also gives these robots facial-recognition capability.”

We just did. If you need us we’ll be hiding our underground Robot-proof bunker.